Laws for the day-to-day bizarre and annoying.

Law Definition
Thyme's Law Everything goes wrong at once.
Government's Law There is an exception to all laws.
Upgrade's Law Given the choice, clients will generally upgrade to the service and cost they consider themselves worthy of rather than the cheap crap they deserve.
Harvard Law Under the most carefully controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, humidity and all other variables, the system will perform as it damn well pleases.
Betteridge's Law of Headlines Any newspaper headline which ends in a question mark can be answered by the word “no”.
Albrecht's Law Social innovations tend towards the level of minimum tolerable well-being.
Bowie's Theorem If an experiment works you must be using the wrong equipment.
Carlson's Consolation Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a bad example.
Correspondence Corallary An experiment may be considered a success if no more than half the results need to be disregarded in order to obtain correspondence with your theory.
Cropp's Law The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent in the office.
Clarke's Third Law Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Cutler Webster's Law There are two sides to every argument unless one is personally involved; in which case there is only one.
Gumperson's Law The probability of an event occurring is inversly proportional to its desirability.
Mencken's Law There is always an easy answer to every human problem- neat, plausible and wrong.
Hanlon's Razor Never assume malice when stupidity is an equally probable explanation.
Ryan's Law Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert.
Murphy's Laws If anything can go wrong it will. Nothing is as easy as it looks. Everything takes longer than you think it will.
Jenkinson's Law It won't work.
Dow's Law In an heirarchical organization the higher the level the greater the confusion.
Action's Law Power tends to corrupt. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Hubbard's Law Don't take life too seriously... you won't get out of it alive.
Sattingler's Law It works better if you plug it in.
The law of the
perversity of nature
You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
Pudder's Law Anything that begins well will end badly... Note. The converse of Pudders law is not true.
Wilcox's Law A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants.
Adamson's Law of cycling No matter which way you cycle it will always be uphill and against the wind.
Finagle's Laws: Once a job is fouled up; anything done to improve it makes it worse. No matter what result is expected, someone is willing to fake it. No matter what result is obtained someone is eager to misinterpret it. No matter what happens, someone believes it happened according to his pet theory.
Allen's Axiom When all else fails... read the instructions.
Peter's Principle In every heirarchy each employee tends to rise to the level of his incompetence.
Parkinson's Law Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
Parkinson's Law Modified The components you have expand to fill the available space.
Weiler's Law Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do the work.
Woodward's Law A theory is better than its explanation.
Rudin's Law In a crisis that forces a choice to be made between alternative courses of action, people tend to choose the worst possible course.
Unnamed Law If it happens it must be possible.
May's Law The quality correlation is inversly proportional to the density of control. (the fewer the data points the smoother the curve).
Cohn's Law The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do anything to report.
Stability is achieved when you spend all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing.
Law of Continuity Experiments should be repeatable... they should all fail in the same way.
Law of the Too-Solid Goof In any collection of data, the figures that are obviously correct beyond all need of checking contain the errors.
  • Corollary 1: Anyone you ask for help will not spot it either.
  • Corollary 2: Any nagging intruder who stops by with unsought advice will spot it immediately.
Larkinson's Law All laws are basically false.
Whitehead's Law The obvious answer is always overlooked.
Scott's Law Always multiply your estimates by four - Thus, when the work is completed under time and under budget you establish and maintain your reputation as a miracle worker.
Rebound's Law Never return to a lit firework.
Alladdin's Law Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
Law of Mechanical Repair After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll need to have to pee.
Law of Gravity Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
Law of the Alibi If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time)
Law of the Bath When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters In any situation, the probability of meeting someone you know is inversely proportional to it's desirability.
Law of the Result When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Bio-mechanics The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the distance required to reach it.
Law of the Theatre At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Starbucks' Law As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Physical Surfaces The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Logical Argument Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Brown's Law of Physical Appearance If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Oliver's Law of Public Speaking A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Doctor's Law If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
  • Corollary: Tooth-ache disappears in the dentists waiting room.